He picked it up with trembling hands.
Dear Mum and Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you
that I've eloped with my new boyfriend. I've found real love and he is so
nice. Especially with all his piercings, scars, tattoos and his big motorcycle.
But it's not only that, I'm pregnant, and Ahmed said that we will be very
happy in his caravan in the woods. He wants to have many more children with
me and that's one of my dreams.
I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for
us and his friends. They're the one's providing us with all the cocaine and
ecstasy we could ever want. In the meantime, we'll pray for science to find
the AIDS cure, so Ahmed will get better. He deserves it.
Don't worry about money. Ahmed has arranged for me to be in films that his
friends Leroy and Jamal make in their basement. Apparently I can earn per
scene. I get a bonus if there are more than three men in the scene, and an
extra if they use the horse.
Don't worry Mum. Now I'm 15 years old, I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'll visit you and Dad so that you can meet all your grandchildren.
Your loving daughter, Samantha
OK Dad, stop panicking. I'm watching TV at a neighbour's house. I just
wanted you to realise that there are worse things in life
than "ENGLAND GETTING BEATEN ON F*CKING PENALTIES AGAIN!"
I love you